Paris Hilton Media Blackout

Paris Hilton is angry about her recent media blackout. Since shortly after her
release from prison, several international news agencies have refused to carry
stories about the socialite for at least one month.

From a club in Las
Vegas, Hilton offered the following statement: "I have the wind blow my dress up
and show everyone my pink panties, and no one sees or hears about it. Everyone
in the country saw Britney's and that American Idol girl's panties."

"I
bend over and my breast falls out of my top and no snaps a picture. Claire Danes
does it, and she becomes front page news (even when her new movie bombs at the
box office)."

"I try acting stupid like Jessica Simpson and say that a
trollop is a small scoop of whipped cream and a skank is a male skunk, and
everyone ignores me."

"I've tried getting out of limos without my
panties. I've tried barbequing my dog Tinkerbell. I've driven the wrong way on
one way streets. I've spit on cops and gotten busted for DWI all over again. I
even threw another temper tantrum outside of a court house and no one
cares!"

"What do I have to do to be a media darling again? Why are you
people just ignoring me and treating me like an average, ordinary, white trash
skank?"

A.P. U.P.I. Reuters, CNN, ESPN, USA Today, ABC, NBC, CBS,
Foxnews, the BBC, the CBC, and Telemundo all declined comment and refused to run
her diatribe.

Now, since you had to really search to find this Paris
Hilton story, are you proud of yourself?